1. Know you will survive. Others have done it and you will, too. Keep in mind that your first Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s Day without your loved one will not be easy.
2. Find at least one person you can talk to or meet with during the holiday season. Perhaps this person has gone through a few Thanksgivings and Christmases without their loved one and can give you some helpful ideas that have worked for him or her.
3. Things will be different this holiday season and perhaps for all the rest to come. Don’t think you have to do all of the “traditional” activities of years past when your loved one was alive.
4. Spend the holidays with those who will let you talk about your loved one. You will need to have the freedom to say your loved one's name and recall memories, if you choose to do so. Your stories about your loved one are wonderful legacies. Tell them boldly again and again.
5. If going into the mall or stores brings too much pain, shop for gifts online or through mail-order catalogs. Thinking everyone is happily shopping at the malls with intact lives while your heart is crushed is terribly tough. Go easy on yourself.
6. Create something to give to those who have helped you throughout the year.
7. Decorate the grave. Put up a plastic Christmas tree with lights. Sometimes being busy with decorating the grave gives a feeling of doing something for the loved one.
8. Do something in memory of your loved one. Donate to a charity or fund in their memory.
9. Spend time reflecting on what the season is about. Everyone around you may be frantic with attending parties, services, shopping and visiting relatives. Perhaps you used to be the same way. Now you may want to avoid some of the festivities. Give yourself permission to excuse yourself from them. Light a candle in your favorite scent. Record some thoughts in a journal. This is great therapy, too.
One day
you will wake up and it will be January
2. The holidays will have ended. You
will have made it. Surviving the
holidays may make you stronger. And,
although you may cry, somewhere within
you, you may feel a deeper sense of
serenity.
I'm here to help. I am honored to work
with people going through loss. It is
sacred work. Please call me at (206)
550-3596 or email me at
DrKyle@DrKyle.org.
